A New Respect

I have a new respect for mothers in general and those mothers I know personally in particular.

I remember thinking, while I was pregnant with Luke, a mother would really REALLY want another baby to knowingly sign up for that again. I know my mom loved Eric just as I loved Luke, but she (just like I) didn't know what she was facing the first time. So it was easy to think about cuddling a new baby and buying itty bitty cutey clothes and not really think about everything else. But when she got pregnant with Megan she KNEW-- she knew that she'd be sick and tired and emotional. And she chose it anyway. And I chose Micah knowing that I would be experiencing some of the same things.

But I didn't know about others. I didn't think about how difficult it would be to sleep-- because when Micah wakes up at 5:30 to eat and eats until 6, by the time I get his diaper changed and him back in bed, Luke is up and the day has begun. I expected that Luke would have an increase of tantrums, and I even knew that I'd be annoyed. But I didn't quite understand how exhausting that would be. And the thing that TRULY amazes and baffles me about the mothers before me (especially those who are generationally ahead of me) is that they dealt with those things without the convenience of frozen pizza and DVD players. AND their kids were closer together in age. How did they do it? How did they manage 2 kids along with cloth diapers and no dishwasher? I am truly amazed by them and slightly disgusted in myself that I can't figure out how they did it. There have been days that I don't think I'd've survived without Blue's Clues. But I guess we all just do what we have to do. And if we didn't have TV as a crutch we'd come up with something else. Like kicking your kid out in the backyard to play for awhile. (I wish I had a backyard.)

But see, my mom and Jared's mom knew about those things after kid #2 and they didn't have DVD players and such to help them out, and THEY STILL CHOSE TO HAVE MORE! Well I'll tell you what. As kid number 4 with 2 more after me, I feel sure that I wasn't an accident and even more sure that my mom #1. is awe-inspiring and #2: must have really wanted me. That makes me feel loved. So here's to my mom(s)! Thanks for all your sacrifice.

And to those of you reading this thinking that "Oh my! Does Stacy have postpartum?" the answer is no. I know exactly why my moms had more. Because no matter how frustrating some things are, the feelings that well up when you look at your children make it all worth it. And while you may feel like pulling the quilt over your head at 2 am and pretending like you don't hear the crying, as soon as you get up and hold that baby the frustration ebbs and you find yourself just looking at how perfect he is. And while the older one may be throwing tantrum after tantrum, those times in between when he comes up and hugs you or makes a funny face or pats you on the knee or brings you a brand new book (Thanks, Grandma Debbi!), you can feel just how much you love him too.